Deer in Headlights!

Its almost midnight. The excitement of the day has died down. The room is dark and everyone is sleeping. I lay awake. Its raining outside, and I am sitting inside my room, hearing probably the last raindrops falling on my porch. I don't know when I would be hearing them again.
Its freakishly quiet!
I feel scared and lost somewhere between the feelings of loneliness and homesick already, and a sense of heart breaking loss for all that I would be losing once I get on that flight.Its hardly fair on my part to be thinking of things like this now, three days before I leave, but honestly, I was prepared for a lot of things, I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for this overwhelming mammoth size lump in my throat every time I try opening my mouth to speak. I spent all my time weighing opportunities and returns, and didn't realise that I would soon start rationing my time for my loves ones, not to mention, wont be seeing some ever. It hit me like a deer on the highway!
Does everyone feel like that? Is it a phase? or am I really leaving something behind which is worth staying back for? There are so many answers missing. I don't know if they will come or not. Tonight, my only prayer is to give me strength, and the wisdom to realise the bigger picture! See me through God!!

Yours truly,
'The-half-filled-glass!'

A New Chapter...

Yesterday was the last day of office... won't be seeing a paycheck for a long time now. And that statement heralds a new chapter in my ever changing lifescape. Montreal...
Montreal, a year ago was much more than a few thousand miles away. If someone would have told me I would be moving to Montreal, I would have laughed shamelessly at his/her face. Yeah Right!! Life is interesting, ain't it!! Funny thing is Montreal is still more than a few thousand miles away. Its dozens of friends, home cooked food, and loads of doting family members away. Heck sometimes I feel I will miss the crazy Delhi traffic and the lousy saas bahu serials too there. But yeah I could live with that I guess. :)
My family seems more than supportive of my aspirations!! (Kudos to them!!) I mean there are moments when I get jittery of being so far away and my mom says "Internet hai na!!" We can chat away to glory. Some brave parents I have!
Its an unbelievable feeling, watching your far fetched dream getting realised, so tangibly. I do pinch myself sometimes. What has made it more overwhelming is that I have found incredible friends, rocking in the same boat. So safe to say, I will be taken care of.
So my journey begins, yet again. Hope to discover more and keep surprising myself every now then.

Grinning with glee,
'The-half-filled-glass!'

Subconscience... or not!!!

Maybe there is a subconscience after all, maybe it only comes alive when you are not consious enough to know better, maybe I am drunk when I am writing this, but the truth that I see right now is that things and events become relatively clearer( for lack of a better word) when you are more in touch with your sub-conscience, aka when you are drunk.... Events seem to explain more... things seem to start making more sense... and theories of what is, what was and what is to be start making a tad more sense!

Its wierd but so true, fellow happy drinkers would like to agree with me, a lot of hypotheses and logics suddenly start making sense under the influence of something greater? weaker? (I can't really be a judge of that) but 'intoxication' as one might like to call it.

It's sad that it is so. I don't know why it came over me to try and write this right now. I just felt like so I gave it effect. Hope to make more sense when I can.

Youre truly,
'Yhe half filled glass'

From the diary of the half-filled-glass...

I am not sure if it's a good thing or a bad one, but the (for sure) baffling deal about life is that it can always get worse. No matter how much of a pickle you are in, life is mockingly creative enough to slam in another one at you. It's true to the extent of being funny, really, and the worst part of it all is that it comes with the realization that, 'Oh Dear God, I was so much better off before.'
I would so want to be the person, who sees the glass half full, who finds happiness in unfavorable times, yata yata yata - all rosy and peachy, but sadly I am not. I am also not saying that all the misfortunes of the wide world have been thrust upon my feeble shoulders, no! But there are times in my life (and the frequency now seems to be increasing bloody freakishly) where just about the time I try to reason my way out, telling myself, it can only get better from here, life is sadist enough to prove otherwise. I am not happy about the amount of negativity I have in me at this point in my life, and looking at this blog staring right back at me, I am sad that it wreaks colossally of it - Probably the reason I didn't blog the last few weeks...
So, the traditional word for it is - "HELP!!!" but I would rather just sit gracefully in a silent dignified manner, and wait to see how many actually got that.
Warm Regards,
'the-half-filled-glass'

Think!! Think!!

I was watching a video on youtube yesterday. It was actually a bit from one of the stand up acts of Russell Peters. It was called women are thinkers. He says that there are actually a few times in a day when a man's mind is absolutely blank, BLANK!! as in nothing happening there, nothing going through, no nerve endings firing, on rather as Peters put it, "At most a screen saver".
On the other hand, women are constantly thinking, there are dozens of things running through their minds at any given time. Their minds are never at rest. And then he goes to establish what happens when these two different kinds of creatures try to co exist. It's hilarious. But in all seriousness... well, he is right!
If we ever sit down and count the number of things that are running through our minds, simultaneously, or rather try to jot them down on a notepad, we will be surprised we are not insane yet! There are important things, there are the not-so-important things, and then there are completely unimportant things, but they are there, right there all in the mind. Lets just say, we haven't stopped thinking about things, ever since we realized we could think, probably even before that!
Do you ever have that feeling where you just want to sit, close your eyes, put your index finger on your temples, make little circles there, and just breathe....Yes! that feeling. That's probably your brain saying, BUZZZZZZ!!! ZZZ!!! ZZZ!!! Enough!
'Gimme a break! Will you!'
I have that feeling a lot. Sometimes I feel if I could just probably somehow detach my brain and keep in it cold storage for sometime, you know, let it cool off a bit, relax and rejuvenate, and then attach it back, what a lovely feeling would that be!
I bet my mind would go "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" rather than "BUZZZZZZZZZ". I would hear acoustic flutes rather than the steel drums pounding away in my head.
Yes I know that sounds utterly stupid, but I am open to ideas! All ideas, sensible or otherwise, you never know what might work! So if anybody out there got any bright light bulbs hanging over their heads, kindly share!! Seriously! I wouldn't mind only a screen saver running through my brain, every once in a while...

P.S. You can watch the video here:
Laugh your asses off!

Little grains of delight...

Was listening to the radio, while driving back from work yesterday, something I rarely do, because hopping across stations trying the filter out songs, no wait, good songs, from the chatter, kind of gets the better of me. 1.. blah blah blah, (switch) 2... blah blah blah, (switch) 3.. blah blah blah, most irritatingly all the stations have to suddenly talk at the same time. And whats worse, there is this one really run down, completely over done song, which to my amusement, is playing on three different stations at the same time. Rats!!
Well anyway, a friend borrowed all of my cds to dump on her system, and so there I was, wrestling away with the music unit of my car, desperate to find something hear-able.
I am not quite familiar with the various shows running on various stations, (quite frankly they all sound really really similar) but to my delight I found a station which was playing old Dev Anand, Jitendra, Shammi Kapoor songs. Oh! What a delight to the ears. My irritability towards the radio suddenly transformed into a playful singalong session with an occasional shimmy here and there. And boy was it enlivening!!
I was sitting there thinking, much after I had rather quite successfully entertained the people in the adjacent cars, at almost all the traffic lights, how tiny unexpected surprises or rather changes from the ordinary, actually brighten up your day. You could be feeling really low a certain morning, and a school bus driving up beside you with children in the back waving frantically, screaming, "bye bye.. bye bye", brings a smile to your face.
I am not quite sure why I chose to write about my experience last evening, probably because I realized that it never hurts to reiterate the fact that in anticipation of big things and big events in life, we often do not see the little grains of delight that are all around us. Sometimes they are really insignificant to notice, or we are too preoccupied to acknowledge, sometimes we are just too burnt out to give it thought, but sometimes they are just the things required to take that dull, mundane, bummed out mood of yours and turn it around ... :)

Life's Good

I feel good today. Can't really put a finger on why I feel so. Could be because I had a good night sleep last night, or that I made a new friend, the Coffee Cup, or probably just the fact that troughs and crests in life follow alternately. Yesterday was most definitely a trough, and a big one at that. But that's over.. yayy!
Drove alone to office, through the busy roads of Delhi, and whats the first thing I did, as soon as I switched on my system- I read the blogs. Read that people all around me have problems, issues, views, stories to share, experiences to narrate, and suddenly I didn't feel lonely anymore. This feeling that I can reach out to anyone, anytime, is suddenly priceless. Thank God for Internet, blogging, and of course coffee.. :)
I have a long day ahead of me, that involves meetings, phone calls, lots of 'chai' and coffee, a lot of 'staring-at-the-screen', arguments-with-boss, political reconciliations, some whining (of course! its a biological necessity for me!), a quick power nap, if I can steal one :), and a lot of other ad-hoc nonsense, that I don't even want to think about. But I am sure, my day would end in another quick round of glancing and commenting through more blogs, more views, more experiences, more friends hopefully, and the day wouldn't be all that bad after that.
So hey... Life's good!